Everything I Need To Know I Learned From ECW

I came up with this about a year ago on the way to church and wrote it in the parking lot on a paper plate I had on the floor of my truck. Jairus as been telling me I need to post it for a while now, and I finally found the plate while cleaning my bedroom recently, so here it is.

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW
I LEARNED FROM ECW

1.) Sometimes violence is the answer
2.) When fighting a friend who stole your childhood sweetheart, don't let him know you have a wife and kid. He might turn them against you.
3.) Steel chairs solve all problems.
4.) When in doubt, Powerbomb them into sharp pointy objects.
5.) When it is raining chairs, an umbrella won't help.
6.) A table is nice. A flaming table is better. powerbombing someone through a burning table is even better.
7.) Keep your bleeding internal so your mom won't worry.
8.) Super glue is as good as a hospital, and cheaper.

Added 9/19/06

9.) If you get fired, do humorous impersonations of your former co-workers and employer. You might just revolutionize the industry.
10.) Be careful when smashing beer cans on your forehead. you might cut yourself.
11.) Just because you are different doesn't mean you can't succeed.
12.) Singapore Cane or Kendo Stick. Different name, same effect.
13.) When there are no rules, everyone wins--except the guy who got pinned.
14.) Don't drink the Kool-Aid!
15.) When using a temp, always check their ID.
16.) Just because you don't know the rules, doesn't mean the guy hitting you with steel chairs don't.

EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW
I LEARNED FROM THE NEW ECW

1.) If it is your first apperance in four years, don't start with a Zombie.
2.) If your first trip to the big leagues failed, dye your hair, dress in black, and pretend your a vampire.
3.) What ever you do, don't make the fans chant "Change The Channel!"
4.) Vampires good. Zombies bad.