Dating and World Domination

How To Take Over The World:
Dating and World Domination

“‘Ello. Reginald Butterfield, brining you another installment in our sure to be award winning series on ‘ow to take over the world. Last time, we said that this would be a daily series, but after the first part aired, we decided to be a bunch of cruel ‘earted bastards and create new installments whenever we bloody well felt like it. That type of cruelty is required if one wants to be truly evil. I’m not talking evil as in Adolph ‘itler or Saddam ‘ussien, I’m talking about comic book super villian Saturday morning cartoon evil, which is far more demented than anything those bastards could ever come up with.”

“We originally planned on doing this installment on 'ow to take over the world through economic means, but instead we decided to answer a question several people have asked since the first part aired.”

“With Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching, thousands of would be megalomaniacs will spend the night the same way they spend every night. Sitting in their parent’s basement surfing the Sportsman’s for porn, but it doesn’t have to be that way, there is still hope for even these pathetic beings.”

“With us today the world famous Dr. Phil, Doctor, welcome to the show.”
“I’m happy to be here.”

“Also with us tonight is a man known to all as one bad mother…”
“Shut your mouth.”

“I’m just talking about Samuel L. Jackson.”

“I can dig it.”

“Welcome to the show Samuel.”

“Glad to be here Reggie.”

“Now Doctor, would you be so kind as to explain why the average megalomaniac can’t get a date?”

“Certainly. The reason is because…”

Bezshzshzshzshzshzsh
“AARRGGHH!!”

“Samuel L Jackson!? Where did you get a lightsaber!? Oh, and why did you kill Dr. Phil?”

“George Lucas gave them to us after we finished filming Revenge Of The Sith. Everyone in the main cast for both Trilogies got them.”

”But I thought they were just props and special effects?”

“They were. We weren’t stupid enough to use the real ones while filming.”

“Hmmm. Good point. Well, thank you for doing what we ‘ave all dreamed of; kill Dr. Phil.”

“No problem. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go make a movie.”

“Not at all. Thank you Samuel. Now, as the cleaning crew disposes of the body, I would like to introduce our second guest, Dr. Phil! Not another one!!!!!! Oh wait. This is Dr. Philip Boogershitte. Thank you for joining us “

“Da, it is my pleasure to be here, but my name is pronounced Boogerschmidt.”
“Are you sure? My notes say Boogershitte.”

“Da, I think I know vhat my own name is.”

“True. Someone must have made a bit of a Jaffa. Anyways, Dr Boogershitte…sorry. Boogerschmidt. Could you please explain why so many megalomaniacs can not get a date.”

“Da. I could explain vhy so many megalomaniacs can’t get a date.”
“Excellent. Wait. Schmidt is a German name, but you are Russian. Was one of your parents German?”

“Sigh. Look. Ya want to know the truth? I’m from Brooklyn, ok? Problem is, most people don’t trust a therapist with a Brooklyn accent. Since everyone else, even my own brother uses a German accent, I decided to use a Russian one ta kinda set myself apart from the rest of the crowd. Ya got a problem with that?”
“Not at all. Now, could you please give us some advice to help would be dictators get n After Eight?”

“Sure. Ya see, the reason they can’t get a date is because they advertise in personnel ads and tell their dates right away that they want to take over the world. Most women don’t like that. They hear that their date wants to conquer the planet and they’re either intimidated or think that the guy might not have time for her, which is a bad “

“An excellent point, but is there anything that can be done? After all, most would be dictators are notorious for being egotistical.”

“Yeah, there’s lots of stuff they can do, but my advice is to just wait before dropping that on a girl. GO out on a few dates with her, get to know here, and after about 4 or 5 dates, say ‘hey baby. I want to take over the planet.’ By that point she already knows if she wants to break up with you anyways, so it won’t mess anything up. Kinda play it by ear, and if you think she won’t be able to handle it, then wait a while longer.”

“Excellent advice Dr Boogerschmidt.”

“No problem Reggie. And if the guy is lucky, his girl will want to take over the world too.”

“One can only hope to be that lucky. Well, that’s all the time we have for tonight. I would like to thank our guests, Samuel L. Jackson and Dr. Philip Boogerschmidt. Make sure to tune in whenever ‘ell we feel like posting a new part of ‘ow To Take Over The World. Now if you will excuse me, I must help search for Dr Phil’s head. Good night, and, ummm, May The Force Be With You.